Sunday, January 30, 2011

Jan 30th

Not much has happened Sarah-wise in the last two weeks but I did manage to snatch a couple of times alone and made the most of it by dressing and taking some pictures. I also made another short video, which this times has been passed by my approval board (me) and which I posted on my Flickr site a few dyas ago. I have been drip-feeding the stills there as well and had some lovely responses from my beautiful friends. All the pics were of me in a floral summer dress that (I think) was my daughter's because I don't recall ever seeing my wife wearing it.
Today is a good day for prospects of becoming Sarah again soon because my wife has decided to spend a five days away visiting our daughter who having got married last month is now living 1000 miles away in another city. I have booked her flight on Feb 17th and can't wait to be alone ! I don't know exactly what I will do during that period but be sure that I will spend as much time en femme as I can. Probably also do a shopping trip or two. Unfortunately no chance of meeting other t-girls here but I can amuse myself !!
I had an interesting exchange with my wife a few days ago. I raised once again the idea that we should spend more time apart and she said to me with a wry smile "Have you got a relationship going then ?" "No of course not" was my immediate (and truthful) reply "just with myself" I muttered quietly. She would have heard it but didn't react. Her choice of words are intriguing. She didn't ask if I was having an affair - the normal question. Should I read anything into it ? In my fevered mind, I play over and over the imagined conversation that could have ensued had she reacted further to me saying:-
Just with myself"
(IMAGINED:-
She: What is that supposed to mean ?
Me: There is nobody else - just me and my alter ego.
She: Who is your alter ego and why would you have a relationship with it ?
Me: I can't tell you - you would'nt like it
She: Now you've got me curious - you will have to tell me
Me: OK, well you know how you have often in the past said you see feminine traits - you even asked my when we were first going out if I was gay.
She: Yes, well are you ?
Me: No, I told you then, if anything I am even more attracted to women than other men - to the extent that, like thousands and thousands of other heterosexual men, I like to emulate feminine beauty. The fact is that I am a cross-dresser and try to transform myself into a beautiful woman when I am alone. There it is - I expect you are shocked.
She: (stunned silence) then: You can get help for this and treatment to overcome it.
Me: Impossible ! It is not a disease and anyway, I don't want to overcome it or give it up. It is part of who I am - like it is for so many others.
AT THIS POINT she would begin a violent tirade against me, how I have misled her and how this would damage our children etc etc.
I think you can see why I am keepin it secret - for now at least !!!

2 comments:

  1. Sarah....your imaginary conversation sounded to me most realistic. Initially your wife opens by looking as if she's being helpful, then when more is revealed, another side appears, in that she rejects the situation as unbelievably impossible, so suggests treatment. Then turns nasty....
    It could lead to pistols at dawn, but perhaps your aim is better than hers. I hope it doesn't get to this stage!
    Perhaps you are right in choosing the softly softly option....I think so.

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  2. Thanks Sonia - yes I think so.
    The point is that I know her so well - after 38 years I should. Perhaps she knows me better than I think to !!

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